Knowing Thy Enemy

Roll your eyes if you want to, but I believe Satan is real and likes nothing better than destroying peoples’ lives. While he’s not omniscient and can’t be in two places at the same time, Genesis tells us the he’s got lots of friends around to help him.

With friends like that, who needs an enemy?

The enemy can’t read our minds but he surely knows our nature, our weaknesses and where we’re most vulnerable. And if it seems temptations and distractions aren’t getting the job done he’s got plenty more tricks in his devil-ditty … proven techniques like suspicion, doubt, crushed expectations … and tools like jealousy and anger … that arrive in emotional packages so carefully disguised we don’t always recognize the old man was the sender.

Take gift boxes like frustration and disappointment, for example.

When we don’t get exactly what we want when we want it, especially when we’ve been praying long and hard for it, we’re inclined to wrench our hands and groan, “God, why are you ignoring me?” In extreme situations, not getting the thing we think we deserve we might even lead us to question whether God even exists.

We end up feeling frustrated, and get angry because the creator’s not stepping up to our plate and slugging away to knock one out of the park for the Me Team.

But I’m thinking God gets much more disappointed, frustrated and angry than we can imagine. Like, infinitely more. What makes me say that?

Seeing your son crucified, willfully dying an agonizing death to destroy sin, and then raising him from death to prove his promise was kept only to watch believers tolerate, skip and dance around sin, pretending it ain’t no thang for 2000 years, instead of embracing the realization that if he can raise Christ from the grave then surely God can stomp the sin … any sin … from our lives without breaking a sweat.

Might explain why God hates sin so much … especially when we hide it deep down inside, thinking no one will know, and refuse to let go.

I think about how things would be different today if Christ had come to earth, taken a look around and decided to become a politician instead of our Savior. If he’d focused on running for office instead of running the universe.

If he had taught his followers to Get Out the Vote, debated the Romans about spear control, argued with the high priests about lowering temple taxes, made signs to protest the neighborhood idol shop, wrote news-scrolls urging believers to boycott pig farmers, or instructed the disciples to build new walls to keep the Gentiles out.

Or blogged about social security … and overlooked our eternal security.

But then Christ never had any doubts that only the gospel can matter most.

Career Choice, Job Description

"Our job when we present His message is obedience…nothing more, nothing less."

and nothing but the truth

A few months ago I was on the phone with ORP, musing about whether I went overboard sometimes at The Blue Book depicting myself as a bumbling, clumsy & befuddled dimwit.

I remember her saying, "No, you're right on the money with that. That is the real you."

And she's right, obviously. I am the guy who, in the past 2 months, forgot Calypso's engine hatch was open and tried walking across it in mid-air ... only to fall five feet down straight to the bilge and spill/tangle myself between the two engines. Yet without breaking one bone or pulling a single ligament.

I'm the guy who walked into the side of a trailered houseboat ... hitting my head hard enough to knock myself backward to the ground. Mike is my witness.

But here's one more thing I'm hesitant to admit: I can't tell when I'm being lied to. Especially when lying shouldn't even seem necessary, or be an issue. I can't tell I've been lied to until confronted with the evidence ... though even then I'm inclined to think I'm simply not seeing the whole picture, and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

It's true.

ORP, Fran and a handful of significant others who've known me best and longest would vigorously confirm it. Even ex-girlfriend TPW called 8 months ago, tearfully warning me to "Be careful who you get involved with."

Why am I mentioning this?

As a reminder to stop talking to myself ... cause there's a chance I might believe what I'm hearing.

When Men Suck

Last Thursday I got to witness two unrelated incidents that made me wanna scream out loud.

One episode involved a man's detached carelessness ... and apparent disregard for his 7-year old daughter's feelings. In his rush to get where he was going, somehow he forgot where he'd left her dog.

OK.

Me? I'd trade his big-buck boat on the spot to get her dog back. But then I'm impractical that way.

The other included a guy and a much younger girl (she was probably 15. Maybe.) who certainly believes this almost-man is exciting, dangerous and living on the edge. Or even worse, that he cares for and is "in love" with her. Believing The Lie You Wanna Believe is easy.

Heck, what do I know? Maybe he was ... at least for the 25 minutes they were alone before he had to rush her back home.

I'd send the girl an alarm clock if I knew her name and address.

But nah, her wake-up call is already on its way.

Paris in the Spring ... (I meant "The Slam")

Somebody had to be first to say it ...

Just Gimme A Heading

If we get one more inch of rain over the next 24 hours, I think I can drive Calypso to church tomorrow morning. Right up 85 at high tide.

Oh, Now I Get It! Department
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) broadcasts weather information and alerts on "weather band radios." You can buy one at Big Box for about $10 and receive advanced, up to the minute reports about tornadoes and other hazardous weather conditions.

Like flooding.

BTW, NOAA is pronounced "Noah." Like, that Noah with the ark. Get it?

Pretty cool, eh?

ps. I guess NOAA will have to change its acronym if the humanists figure that one out.

Somebody Beat Me - Hard

After buying Calypso I decided I needed new sheets for the two bunks in the rear berth.

Being a guy (and having no idea where sheets and pillow cases are sold) I headed straight over to BB&Beyond because the name says it all ... and picked out sheets by Nautica (because "Nautica" sounds nautical, right?).

Man, who knew what that stylistic statement would cost? Yikes, just the sheets, pillow cases and comforter for Calypso's two beds woulda been $700. $700 bucks US ... and no dust ruffle, either.

I only got the sheets, figuring I didn't need comforting, dusting or ruffling.

This morning I dropped by Target, and got a reality price check about sheet and comforter options.

I Am Pathetic, I Know It Department
The reason I didn't call Fran or ORP before launching into domesti-sheet-ity is because they already know I'm helpless. The reason I didn't call S is because she only suspects it.

I didn't call Joe Sangl because there wasn't anything wrong with my old sheets in the first place. (And Ken woulda told me, "Macs come with new sheets. In titanium, with the Apple logo.")

Life lived, lesson learned.

So Papa takes another chuck on the financial chinny chin chin. Ouch.

Let's Have Sex

It’s Friday and my weekend is totally clear so drop by tonight and let’s hook up, get busy, do the Bad Thing & swap body fluids, make monkey faces, wear each other out, go diggity, make our toes curl, tear it up and tell our friends all the details on Monday … I'll rock your world, but all I’m asking is Don’t talk about your feelings, Don’t expect me to spend any money, and Please get out right away without expecting me to call or stay in touch- I’ll call when I’m ready next time.

That totally isn’t me, but I think it describes a pretty common mindset … even among a staggering number of single believers. So long as we’re consenting adults, is fooling around really that big a deal?

Hey Joe, Wait Just A Durn Minute! You don’t even “date” or do relationships

Even if I wasn’t a believer, there’s still a few questions I’d want answered before thinking too long & hard about indulging in a sexual relationship before marriage.

So much as one NO would be disqualifying:

-Do I trust this person enough to share a joint checking account with her?

-If I forgot or misplaced my bank card, do I trust this person would return it to me without using it?

-If I was incapacitated, would I trust this person to handle my personal finances?

-Would I trust this person with all my computer passwords?

-If I needed a house-sitter, do I trust this person enough to give her the keys to my boat (house/apartment), or allow her to spend a week there alone?

-Am I comfortable believing she’s never “fudged a bit,” misled or lied to me?

-Does she have a “history” of being faithful and monogamous?

-Do I feel certain she’s set her own needs and interests aside, and is focused entirely on what’s best for us both?

-Do I trust this person enough to tell her the most embarrassing, humiliating things about me ... including things from my past?

-Would I donate a kidney (or other organ) to save this person’s life?

-Would I be thrilled and look forward to introducing her to my parents and family?

-If something “went wrong,” would I want to (a) marry her, (b) have my child with her?

-Would I want her rearing my child?

-Would I want my child to become an adult like her?

-Would I be willing to die- without hesitation- to protect her from physical harm?

-Do I already know … with certainty … how she would answer these questions?

Seems to me that having sex, or any form of sexual gratification before marriage, should be a No Brainer. Even if you don’t think it’s a sin.

Which it definitely is.

Sex isn’t simple mechanics, it’s not an exercise regimen nor an alternative therapy for dealing with childhood issues. There is no greater intimacy than what two people share sexually, nothing will heal their vulnerabilities, build their trust and bond their commitment more completely than what God created.

Does it make any sense to dilute what God intended? No matter what the temptations. No matter what the popular excuses.

Situation Report

A quick look around me ...

Ducks show up at my doorstep for breakfast. During the day they come quacking and swimming when they see me, and waddle along behind me on the dock.

I have the best friends on earth ... and there's nothing I could ever do to repay everything they've given me.

When I think of the two people I'd most like to have lunch with, I realize I already have.

I'm a member of a church that teaches it's all about Jesus every Sunday ... and isn't afraid to admit it.

Overall that's not too bad for an overview, not bad at all.

Why do relationships have to be so HARD?!

She never reads The Blue Book, so I'm letting loose because There's Trouble in Paradise.

I think she's gorgeous & alluring and only the least bit temperamental ... especially considering her age. But maybe, in the opening stage of our relationship, she was only on her best behavior to keep me interested.

Now she's started giving me grief, and started acting up.

Uh oh.

Yep, in case you haven't already guessed: it's Calypso. Her right engine won't go into forward gear and she's being totally stubborn about letting me know what's wrong. (Being a guy, of course I'm totally clueless)

Mike suggested changing the transmission fluid (did that), disconnecting the shift cable and try putting the transmission in gear manually. I just want to avoid the appearance of giving in too soon.

An observation: fiberglass starts shrinking when there's no water flowing beneath it.

Boat Dude, Church Dude

Just some idle thoughts from sunrise this morning, while I sat in a folding chair at the shore clutching my binoculars and "Hello Neighbor!" fruit baskets, waiting to welcome any new life forms that may have evolved from lake scum overnight ...

I never realized how much Boat Dudes share in common with Church Dudes:

Boat Dude's kept his boat at several different marinas, according to their status and prestige
Church Dude's always on the look-out for the church where he's most likely to be noticed

Boat Dude shows up at the marina expecting to find his private parking space empty
Church Dude shows up at the church parking lot expecting to find his parking space empty

Boat Dude has his name engraved on a plaque over his slip
Church Dude has his name embossed on a plaque on his pew

Boat Dude only wears the latest clothes consistent with "boating life" to impress others
Church Dude wears the latest fashions consistent with impressing others

Boat Dude eagerly tells others how much his boat cost
Church Dude eagerly tells other how much he tithes

Boat Dude's wife has lots to say about the other women at the marina, especially the size of their bikinis
Church Dude's wife has lots to say about women at church, particularly if their clothes are more expensive than hers

Boat Dude likes to complain about everything that's wrong at the marina, and always has a better idea to share with the marina manager
Church Dude complains about what's wrong at his church and always has a better idea he's eager to share with the pastor

Boat Dude likes to be on the inside, and knows all the marina gossip
Church Dude is the source of church gossip

Boat Dude likes to talk about well-run his last marina was
Church Dude talks about "how we did things" at his old church

Boat Dude has an owner's manual, but never consults it for information or maintenance
Church Dude has a Bible, but never reads it ... because he's already got all the answers

Boat Dude is in love with his self-image
Church Dude is in love with himself

Boat Dude likes to pretend "price is no object"
Church Dude tends to overlook the price Christ paid

Boat Dude likes to talk about boating, but his boat never actually leaves the marina because he's afraid others will see he's got more boat than he can comfortably handle
Church Dude likes to talk about religion but never actually follows Christ, and is afraid others will see his marriage, finances and kids are more than he can handle

Boat Dude only spends weekends at the marina
Church Dude only spends Sunday mornings in church

Bricked

Dinner with S last night at The Brick. Ran into Meg and Pudge. They're awesome, and it was great running into friends.