Chocolate Coconuts & Fazoli's - updated

It's More Important to Sound Good than to Smell Good
I swung by the mall this afternoon and picked up a bottle of cologne ... something I do regularly every five or ten years.

After the saleslady stopped laughing at my first choice (after asking "So when's the big prom?") she suggested I try Santana instead (yeah, Carlos Santana). I thought it smelled like chocolate coconut milk but bought it anyway, because the set included a nifty Sanata Live CD.

I saw Santana live in concert once and always hated that he never released a version of Black Magic Woman with the rift from Jimi Hendrix's Third Stone from the Sun near the end, the way Santana played it that night.

This CD has it.

It's also got Maria, Maria (think it was called Jingo on his first LP) ... worth smelling tropically exotic for.

Fun Fabulous Friday with Frashley Fran at Fazoli's
We ducked inside just before the rain came roaring down Clemson Boulevard, watched traffic wheeze to a stop and promised not to think about brownies till after we'd eaten.

Hey FF, I gotta embarrass you a little bit and say how much I always look forward to seeing you. You're fun to be around, one of the most sincere and honest people I've ever known, I don't think you've got a malicious bone in your body and you've got a knack for saying absurdly funny things when I least expect it and I think somehow we must be related.

"I'll make you fat and jolly on peanutbutter pie."

I've never seen you get angry or impatient, not even about Hoo-Haas, without turning the situation into a joke, which makes you even more fun to be around.

(Poor FF and AF, they practically get to see me throw temper tantrums once a week, roll around the floor kicking, screaming and pulling my hair, demanding to be taken home Right Now! but neither one ever holds grudges, yells back or threatens to leave me at home if I can't start behaving :-) I'm boating-challenged, and staying up past 9 PM waiting to be towed back to the marina makes me grouchy.

Fran thank you for being my friend.

And next time we gotta remember to go back for the brownies.

One-Legged Pants

One night on my way home from the track beside McCant's I made an unscheduled stop at the grocery store to pick up a few odds and ends for supper.

When time came to pay I was exactly 36 cents short of the total, and not having the debit card with me I asked the cashier to take the cat food off my ticket.

There was an older gentleman in line behind me ... and without a word he handed the cashier a dollar bill to cover my purchase. Talk about turning red-faced and getting a lump in your throat.

I thanked him profusely, which only seemed to embarrass him, because all he said was, "You've got to feed your cats."

That little gesture of kindness has stayed with me in a big way.

-----

I'm not exactly in touch with the latest fashion trends; I only know some of the ones I've seen recently look two exits past silly ... yet people will rush down to the mall and pay most any price to have whatever's newest and The Latest.

I started wondering, what if some chic Manhattan super-star designer turned the fashion world on its head by introducing One-Legged Pants (with a snappy name, like Solo's) in his spring collection and started the latest, craziest fashion buzz?

You and I both know that the day after Oprah appeared on national TV adorned in one-legged pants, 75% of America's TV-watching public would be standing in line to the parking lot to buy a pair (a solo?) for themselves.

And anyone who insisted on wearing traditional two-legged pants would be immediately shunned, ridiculed for their out of date fashions and for being out of touch with the latest trends.

---

Gosh when that nice man paid my bill back at the grocery store, somehow it never occured to me to turn around and rush back into the store to grab a few more items, just because he'd already paid what I owed.

Some Christians have that attitude though.

Wearing one-legged pants just to be fashionable would contradict my personal experiences as well as my belief that wearing two-legged pants gives me more freedom than one-legged pants ... no matter which designer's name is sewed across the back pocket.

Because I know I have two real legs, no matter what they say in New York and no matter what's hot in LA.

Folks who find fault with Christiantity often argue that our faith places too many restrictions on what we can and can't do, implying that we believe strict adherence to a list of legalistic rules can bridge what separates us from God.

(On the other end of the spectrum, every time I see a wild-eyed televangelist promising that "God wants you to be a millionaire!" or even "Jesus wants to bless you with a new car!" I start getting queasy about what they seem to be suggesting The Abundant Life really means.

I don't think the path following Christ is called Easy Street nor is it cushioned with rose petals or paved with gold coins, nor do I believe that Christ ever said "Start up your Cadillac, and follow me." Sometimes, lots of times, following Christ can be extremely difficult ... particularly when we approach unfamiliar territory and his direction seems entirely different than the paths we took in our pasts.)

For believers who know Christ paid our debts in full, continuing to accept sin and choosing any path except his is no more of an option than accepting moral relativism or any of the world's other one-legged pants: God's commandments do not include the words "It depends," "If it's convenient" or "Whatever works for you."

We want to stop sinning because our debt's already been paid and we follow his commandments not from fear, but from faith and love ... and know the abundant life as a result.

God's love is not a trend nor does it ever go out of style; it's eternal, ever-lasting and real.

Coffee at Ken's

Early this morning I received a summons to pick up and deliver a VIP to AVCLUB.US World Headquarters, located at an undisclosed location somewhere outside The Electric City Beltway.

Which explains how I got a sneak peek of AVCLUB.US's latest technological breakthrough ... Anti-Gravity Boots that actually work.

At least that's what I think I saw.

If there's any other explanation for how Ken put his foot through the 8-foot high kitchen ceiling, unless he was walking across the ceiling upside-down, I have no idea what it could be.

Nobody in their right mind would ...

Sure they would.

Just saw this commercial on TV:

"Pay off those holiday bills with a home equity loan from ---- ."

I couldn't believe my ears. But certainly thousands of financially-anxious ears perked up across the country at the mention of this quick fix for your financial woes.

What an awesome deal! Sign over the title to your largest asset, your house, to pay off charge card debts. The catch is, you're not paying off anything, and would put the place where you live at risk to "pay" for a year's worth of Christmas presents ... which no one will remember by Valentine's Day anyway.

Valentine's Day? Hey, that's right around the corner!

Maybe a car title loan is just the ticket ...

What's my number - updated

I can't believe what I've done. I've reactivated my cell phone. Now it's glaring up at me, like a live rattlesnake ringing on top of my desk.

I hate cell phones and am already ashamed of having one.

Ring a ding, just great.

Oooooh, ooooooh. Now I think I need a Crackberry.

I can hardly run downstairs to microwave a pizza without patting my pocket first to make sure the phone will go with me.

That's gotta stop. Now.

The Blue Book's Your Time Is Precious, and Spending Time With You Is Awesome Promise:

Okay, I expect you ... who are my closest Friends ... to hold me to it.

This applies if you and I are of the opposite gender: If my cell phone rings in your presence during a pre-arranged meeting of any kind, I will:

1. Give you $100
2. Vacuum, clean your house, be your butler, do your grocery shopping and be your yardman for one (1) week
3. Destroy the phone on the spot

My reasoning here is simple: in your presence you deserve my 100% undivided attention ... even if we're only casual acquaintances or "just friends."

I'm serious. I hate cell phones .... and besides, You are worth much more than that.

Now turn the volume up loud enough to turn the tide ... remembering that genuine passion can't exist unless integrity and commitment come first.

The First Time Ever "Click n' Listen" Playlist (Redeux):
(She's So Heavy)

Must be the weather

Last night I went to sleep bursting with enthusiasm about getting stuff done over the next two weeks and making real, tangible progress (an oxymoron, as it applies to marine repair & rennovation) and doubled-up on my rest by logging almost 7 hours in one night.

Then something happened around 11:15 AM and I ran out of E right there in the electrical aisle down at Lowe's. I knew what I wanted but ... it was Strange. Didn't even feel like grabbing anything for lunch because the only focus in mind was getting back to the house.

Must be the gloomy overcast. Must be I forgot to take my vitamins or it must be I need another cup of coffee. There must be something ... and here I am.

"Sudden Stop Ahead - Do Not Pass Go" Mid-Day Playlist:
Like the Weather - 10,000 Maniacs
- there's lots more rain ahead in the forecast
When the Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin

Too Hot to Handle

Just some stuff I've seen:

-A guy rushes out to buy the most exotic, fastest car he can afford without taking time to learn how to drive it. Still, he likes the way having a 200 mph sports car makes him feel about himself while he's picking up burgers at the drive-through.

-A guy shows up for his African safari with the biggest, most powerful rifle he can hold in two hands ... even though he's never fired it a single time because he's scared witless of the recoil, and can't hit a tree if he's standing beside it. But he still likes showing you the cartridges and explaining that he owns the baddest.

-A guy buys a bigger boat than his neighbor but ends up never taking it out, because he lacks the experience and skills to pilot such a big boat back to the dock all by himself though he's too embarrassed to admit it.

But he still enjoys hearing all the Wow's and whistles when strangers walk past when they see it tied up in its slip. Even though all the women he thought he'd attract have been attracted to the new biggest boat over at the adjacent dock.

Yet he'll bore your ears off telling you all the places his boat is capable of going.

That men like those pursue adornments and trophies, without understanding or being devoted to what they already have, to focus on simply having more symbols to bolster their self-image, might explain why their wives are so seldom mentioned during conversations.

When asked "Where's your wife?" the usual answer is "Oh, she'd rather stay home than do anything like this."

Hmmm. Wonder what the wives are doing while Captain Macho is busying soaping down his toy yacht, playing Great Hunter or waiting at red lights behind the steering wheel of his new $100,000 rocketmobile?

Come on guys, for pete's sake. All you're doing is looking silly ... and chances are your wife was the first one to notice.

Have you forgotten what Passion means?

Thursday's "Here's A Clue" Playlist:
I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles

Latest Poll Reveals Married Women Aren't Married to Men, After All - updated

I read the results of a new poll that made my hair curl:

56% of married women admit they would not marry their husband a second time
60% of married women believe their husbands have had affairs
36% of married women have had affairs
75% of married women have fantasies about other men

I don't know what conclusions we can draw about married women from the data.

But my gut tells me 75% of those men are little boys suffering from both short attention spans and a pitiful lack of commitment to Performance Being Job 1. And all the husbands represented in that poll need to find a church that teaches Christ Comes First In Marriage right away.

Joe's Engaged!

No, just kidding.

Musta got carried away there in all the excitement.

And yes, as punishment for pulling your leg my face did actually freeze in this position. Serves me right, I suppose.

This is ORP

Orp is one of my Best Friends Of All Time. Golly what's it been ... 15 years? 16 years? Geepers. In all that time I don't think we've ever had a fight, falling out, disagreement or even a cross word come between us (Hey B, let me know if I forgot something :-)

Orp's also the one who, after how many times asking and much perseverance, finally convinced me to visit New Spring with her almost three years ago.

Looking at the smile on her face, I gotta wonder if it's because she got something special for Christmas. Trigger tells me he thinks she did.

Stephanie's Engaged!

Whoo hoo!

Commitment vs. Involvement

Somebody told me once that the difference between being commited ... whether to a spouse, a career, a church, a relationship or whatever ... and being involved was as simple as ham and eggs.

Huh?

"Well," he explained, "when you've got a plate of ham and eggs on the table in front of you, the chicken was involved with your breakfast. But the pig ... the pig was commited."